I said to my girlfriend, "Will you use this before we have sex." She said, "That's a funny looking little vibrator." I said, "It's a nasal hair trimmer.."
Down in the pub, one of my friends asked me, "Did you get laid last night Nutmeg?" "No mate, it's the wrong time of the month." He replied, "Too bad for you, there's always next week!" "Damn right!" I said, "That's when I get paid."
Wife left me 'cos I had a barney with my secretary. Now I'm stuck with my secretary. And our son, Barney.
A Union boss is telling his son a bedtime story, âOnce upon a time and a half⦠the Chicago Teachers union saves the day--"almost 10,000" teachers and protesters gathered in the Auditorium to fight back (against the fat cats), the union dad says with glee. However, the capacity of the historic theater is 3,929--so it's easy to understand why 80 percent of eighth graders at Chicago's unionized schools aren't proficient in math at their grade level.
It's rumored that Justice Anthony Kennedy was won over to the liberal side of the DOMA by an oral argument by one of the lawyers.